A Reflection From a Year Full of Twists and Turns

By: Dr. Erin Denil

As 2022 is coming to a close, I am reminded of what a crazy year it has been for me.  My birthday is in December, so my year and reflections also come at the beginning of a new cycle year for me as well.  

Some of the highlights from this past year for me have been going to two Taekwondo tournaments, one in Minnesota and one in Kansas.  My son and I do these competitions together, and have been working on our skills for the past two years and three months.  

I tested for my first degree blackbelt July 30th, 2022.  It was an exciting journey for me.  I had started Hapkido in college and got half way to my blackbelt before chiropractic school and life got in the way.  It was something that I always wished I would have continued to pursue.  Two kids, and two neurosurgeries later, I finally went back (different style of martial art) and was able to complete the goal.  My instructor often asked me why I wanted a blackbelt to begin with.  I think that is a hard question because ‘why do we ever really want to accomplish anything?’ It wasn’t about the accolade of getting a black belt.  I think for me, I learned so much about myself, what I can accomplish, overcoming challenges, sticking with something long enough to hit smaller goals and a larger goal.  I kind of felt like life robbed me of a lot of my goals and aspirations as a teenager.  I could associate with what the young adults must have been going through their junior and senior years of high school through the cancellations of life that took place over the pandemic.  I spent a lot of time not feeling well in high school and missed out on a lot of things that I wanted to accomplish.  I enjoyed playing basketball and volleyball, and wished I could have played my senior year.  

We only have so much time on this earth, and we never know when our time expires.  After my mom died at the age of 57, I have a hard time voluntarily letting any goal of mine go un-accomplished.  I only have so many years, days, hours, or minutes left to live my dash out loud.  The dash is the line between my birthdate and my death date on my death certificate.  I enjoy learning new skills, and being creative, and seeing what is possible.  The more things that I can show the world that are possible, the more other people may be willing to see what is possible for them. 

Life is meant to LIVE, life is not meant for mere existing.  I want to celebrate the gift of life everyday.  It has been more difficult for me to celebrate the past few months.  

I worked hard over the last year creating online training programs, teaching people how to be Healthy for Life, using my RANCH (Rejuvenate Awaken Nourish Change Heal) Principles.  I was using an app platform that was presenting many challenges this year.  The programs are still available, see the website for more details, but there may be an alternative means to access the incredible programs shortly.  Anyone who has purchased programs through the app will be granted access in the other platform as well.  

The whole goal for the training programs that I created is to help people live happier, healthier, lives so that they can live their DASH out loud.  When we are feeling lethargic, unwell, tired, grouchy, sick with one or many infirmities, it feels impossible to live a vibrant, rejuvenated, purpose-filled life.  The excellent news is that we all have the power to change our health in one way or another.  Believe it or not, our health can change for the better! Everyone is different, and everyone needs something a little bit different to make positive, healthy, changes in their life.  I love and enjoy helping others find the areas that are most needed to modify first, so they can continue their healing journey for a longer and get continued benefit out of the healthy RANCH Principles that I have created.  My book, “Healing Through the Storm: how to restore health while life if happening” is a book that also teaches people health concepts that they can apply while the storms of life are whirling past them.  

After I got my blackbelt, I has left shoulder surgery mid-August.  My shoulder was not healing well, and my range of motion was not improving despite going to physical therapy and faithfully doing all of my shoulder exercises.  I had a second surgery in November.  During the second surgery, after removing a bunch of scar tissue, the surgeon discovered that I had joint sepsis after taking cultures from the joint.  As a result, I had a three night, four day stay at a luxurious hospital in my area.  I needed IV antibiotics because oral antibiotics don’t reach the joint because of the minimal blood supply.  This hospital not my ideal place to stay.  I received a PICC line on the fourth day.  I have antibiotics that I administer daily to myself through the PICC line.  A PICC line is a peripherally inserted central catheter, which provides access to the vein for a prolonged period of time.  It is placed in the arm and extends to the superior vena cava, which is a large vessel that brings blood directly to the heart.  The PICC line is used when a longer duration of treatment is required.  

As I write this, I am currently one month into having the PICC line in.  I have a few more days of IV antibiotics because I was getting antibiotics in the hospital.  This whole process has been quite the ordeal. 

It has been my part-time job to stretch my shoulder, administer antibiotics, attend surgical follow-up visits, infectious disease follow-up visits, and physical therapy.  Needless to say, I am ready to be done with the process.  I wish I could say that my left shoulder was feeling fantastic, but that would be an outright lie.  I wish I could say that the antibiotics weren’t kicking my butt, but they are.  I wish I could say I was getting more energy back, but I am not. 

What I can say is that I am learning a valuable lesson in surrendering.  Surrendering to outcomes that I don’t have final control over.  I have the tendency to try to control my whole life.  In the case of my shoulder, I can do my exercises, I can give my body good food/nutrition/supplements.  I can have a positive outlook, though I can admit this whole process has been very mentally draining and rather sad for me.  Because of the PICC line, I don’t want to get sweaty and get an infection in my heart, my exercise has ceased besides walking.  I love exercise for the endorphins released, for how my body feels when it has been worked, as well as the camaraderie of the Zumba and Taekwondo classes that I typically take.  It kind of feels like a giant pause button was hit on my life.  

Reflecting back, my life needed a pause button.  It has been an excellent opportunity to decide what direction I want to take my life in.  I don’t have everything all ‘figured out’, nor will I ever.  The tighter reins I try to keep on my life, the more things seems to deviate from what I want.  Disappointment ensues and then I get more frustrated.  I am learning to create more of a blueprint idea of what I would like my life to be like.  More conceptual, versus the way in which something must look.  I have a chance to write my next chapter with the next year of my life, and I would love to write a chapter that is filled with immense love, joy, happiness, and helping others in whatever capacity I am able to help. 

If I am physically having a hard time helping someone, I can provide emotional support, The joint sepsis has reminded me that I have ways to be of service no matter what state I am in physically.  I have discovered how much I truly do enjoy brightening someone else’s day.  I really love doing/saying/making little things that can lift other people up.  As I teach in my online training programs, life is constantly evolving and we truly need to move with our storms, instead of just trying to fight them.  I watched something on Facebook about buffalos walking toward the storm, because inevitably they would have to face the storm anyway, but if they walked in the direction the storm was coming from, they got it out of the way sooner.  Truly, we can all only embrace the hardships and try to help them pass smoothly. 

As I begin 2020 shortly, I hope to keep the process going for teaching my online healing programs and using my RANCH Principles to help people live their DASH out loud! Have a blessed and magnificent New Year and I hope you are creating the DASH of your dreams!